- On October 16, 2015
- By Gavin & Yvonne Frost
Make love not war
ake Love not War The title of this blog is an old familiar bit of the nineteen-sixties with their marches in this or that cause, yet it’s still worth coming to understand what it really means. The Abrahamic religions have set up a scenario which encourages hate but discourages deep friendships and any sense of adventure, using joyless rules confining any sexual activity to one pair of monogamous adult human couples of two genders, alone in the conventional bedroom, in missionary position, with the blinds drawn. Such sex is all well and good … but … remember that old thought?
If it harm none, do what you will.
How can people become real committed friends? You might say the common interests they share create a friendship, though probably only at a shallow level. Nobody gets harmed much. When a committed couple has a loving relationship, their brains actually change. What are called the mirroring centers become stronger and understanding between the individuals increases, so that they will do such things as finish each other’s sentences and will have common interests.
What if we were to follow the Tantric path and enjoy relationships with several people, and what if nobody got hurt? Obviously these deep relationships would preclude arguments and fights–that is, once the initial phase of artificial, culturally-inflicted jealousy is past. Take a step back and reflect. Such jealousy is cultural only: it’s taught to us as an absolute given, not as a cultural option, never subjected to a rethink. Nobody ever says, “Hey! Wait a minute!”
Because of assumptions taught to everyone who lives at the mercy of Abrahamic religions, we are not allowed to develop such deep, long-lasting relationships. Thus when a man or a woman sees another person that they’d like to be friends with, they’re forbidden–culturally, mind you–to extend that friendship into the bedroom. In fact when they have such thoughts they dutifully feel guilty. If they do (as the common parlance has it) stray, it can have disastrous effects on family relations, and in fact on job situations. If we were honest enough to recognize that we’re quite often attracted to someone apart from our recognized partner, then things would be entirely different. Most of the time the extracurricular friendship will not cause a permanent rift in a family relationship. (This assumes that both partners are playing by the same set of rules: that any research, let’s say, is not one-sided.) The cost of separation and the loss of relationships with children are far too high for most sensible people to extend the situation into a long-term arrangement.
Yes, this new partner may be exciting and attractive for several months, and of course it’s especially exciting if one is straying and trying to avoid detection. Just like a new car, though, the novelty wears off and pretty soon the new relationship palls. But now boats are burned, and going back is not a possibility.
Well, we’re here to tell you–and we are both in our 80s–that permission to stray and honesty about having a new friend can be very rewarding; and if it’s honest and aboveboard, it need not cause a disastrous disruption of lives. Think of it without its cultural labels. Who is harmed? And again: If it harm none …
We two have never been totally, officially monogamous, and we’ve been happily, productively together for almost fifty (50) years. We remind you one more time of a fact that you’re forbidden to know: Sex is good for you.